Stop Trying To Carry The Weight Of The World
You are a loved, loving, and lovable human being. I don't care if that sounds, untrue, or difficult to 'prove', or cheesy. It is true and as I type the words and believe them, I can feel how true they are, which is all the evidence I personally need. We have been taught to be suspicious and afraid from the beginning of our lives, so if your reaction to the first sentence of this blog is one of suspicion, you certainly have plenty of life training to go off of.
Ironically, it's not my 'job' to convince you that you're loved, loving, and lovable. It's my job to unpack my own fears and challenges, and align with my own deep, unconditional love. Then, in my alignment with my true self, if I feel happy and called to project that love outward in the form of paragraphs, peaceful protest signs, brave conversations, hugs, and wiggly dance moves in my kitchen, that's up to me, and any way that might inspire the people around me is completely up to them.
Helping people feel loved and valuable is not a 'clearly achievable goal' like a profit margin or a milestone. It's a constant, unpredictable give-and-take that works better on some days than others, BUT overall is worth doing--not for the end result, but for all the little moments along the journey when you feel inspired, and worthy, and alive.
All of this is a preface for what I really want to say: Stop trying to carry the weight of the world. Stop trying to help everyone without first, and continually, helping yourself. Start with the idea above: that everyone is innately loved, lovable, and loving, and if that feels impossible to believe, go back and do some inner work to get there. Then, realize that as human beings we are carrying the trauma of, not only the events of our lives but generations of trauma that came before us. It doesn't matter if we are completely sheltered from bad things (which we never are); we see and hear about horrible things and absorb the confusion, triggers, and traumas of our parents, our ancestors, our friends, our colleagues, even our public figures. All that trauma isn't healed by covering up the wounds and ignoring the consequences. It is healed, slowly and mindfully, by picking apart and seeing the pain of our mistakes, directing love and acceptance to everyone involved, and working together to make sh*t better moving forward. And that process isn't 'one size fits all'. It's different for every one of us. Some of us will need (or think we need) years of anger and resentment. Some of us will need a close family member to teach us that lesson, often the hard way. Some of us will need religion or new age spirituality. Most of us will need some form of therapy. And every single one of us will need the support of other humans: parents, friends, spouses, exes, neighbors, gurus, coworkers, chiropractors, podcasters, youtubers, the list could go on forever. We need each other. But when we, at a base level, can't think and communicate from a place of seeing each other's innate worth and lovability, we make things a LOT worse.
So, take a moment after reading this, to check in with JUST YOU. Let the concept of 'selfishness' fall away for a moment and try to just sit with the unconditional love at your core. If your thoughts turn to things outside of yourself, just gently bring it back to sensing your own heartbeat, your own breath. Your own worthiness to be here. Pay close attention to that feeling, because you're going to start accessing it more and more when you need it most: when a loved one leaves you feeling sad, shocked, or silenced; when fear mongering news clips appear more and more to be blurring the facts to get a reaction out of you; when someone needs your help; when you are simply unsure how to proceed...
Come back to a feeling of love, and worth, and try to see everyone in your view from that feeling. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes it feels impossible. Don't give up. Take breaks. And don't let anyone force you into a place of 'not enough' based on their experiences and beliefs. Let the judgment of someone else's process, that often doesn't affect you personally, just fall away. Judging anyone right now from the lens of your life and not theirs, even with the intention to help them, isn't helping anything. Assume unconditional worthiness in all, assume positive intent, align with unity--not division, and don't overwhelm yourself with the weight of the entire world's trauma and injustice. Start where you are. Start with better listening and better assumptions. Turn off the news and be deliberate about informing yourself at a time you choose, with sources you trust. And when all hope appears lost, dare to believe that a solution is possible, even if you don't know what it is what your role would be in bringing it about. The first and best thing you can do is believe it exists.
Why am I so passionate about this 'hippie shit'? Because I can speak from experience, and this particular lesson changed and continues to evolve my life and my relationship with the world, and because I'm in a place now where no one can touch my unconditional worth, my belief in gratitude, my optimistic view of all human beings, and my quest for happiness, and when I write, I wish upon my audience that same feeling. It is worth the effort and vulnerability. It is worth being called a hippie.