• Lucia Joyce

Stop Caring About What Other People Think.

...advice I wish I had jumped on a lot earlier in life, and again when social media started to rule my days.

You'll never be in control of what people think of you. Worrying about having that under control is wasted energy, when you could be connecting with your authentic self.

The world seems so polarizing sometimes. Why do we either have to fully adore and worship or abhor and cancel our celebrities? Why do we set a monkey-brain precedent of good vs. bad across the media? That's not how life works... life is full of messes and mistakes and shitty moments, interspersed with improvements, lessons, and unstoppable personal highs.

And your life doesn't have to be so devastatingly affected by what anyone else thinks about you...

The people who truly know you and care about the unfiltered, essential you... they aren't going to judge your clothing choices, your Facebook statuses, your health commitment levels, or your daily accomplishments. They might be down to help you out or have heart to hearts about that stuff, but they don't love and care about you necessarily because of it. They love you, for you.

Also, you guessed it, the people who judge you for their petty impressions of your choices: aren't worth your time. I don't care if they are the world's most successful executive, choreographer, coach, parent, or Hollywood celeb... if they come down on your authentic, brave self, they aren't worth collaborating with. They have their own work to do on their own selves.

Your deeper intuition and your most precious goals and exploits, and the things that make you you... if they aren't hurting anyone else, they are not to be messed with or shaken by any society or set of old beliefs, or misguided acquaintance. You can seek out helpful judgment. You can learn from other people's opinions and intuitions. But you are not beholden to processing and accepting everything other people think about you. In fact, everyone else doesn't have the full picture, and is often wrong. Only you can truly get to know yourself.

Things people have assumed about me to my face:

"You'll never make more money as a performer than what we're paying."

"You'll never be a good enough singer [to sing by myself in a show]"

"If I don't know you, you're not successful."

"You're look is confusing."

"You can't do that."

"You're not capable of a healthy relationship."

"You look like a girl who's always lost but thinks she's found."

"You're crazy."

Overtly wrong things said to your face are so much easier to dismiss. Because you feel their wrongness in the very moment they are said. People being publicly wrong about you (haters) are really just fuel for you to lean further into self-confidence and good work.

Overtly wrong things conjured by your own brain in a fit of worry over your relationships and results--those are trickier, because they fly direct from your own insecurities, judgments, and assumptions. The trick is to not care about those either. Either people truly think ill of you, in which case, you are not obligated to care, or you're wrong and people love you or are neutral at worst (more often the case).

Some things I invite you to stop caring about:

-How you look in every mirror glance or photo of yourself: people see you in regular life from all kinds of angles you'll probably never see. Embrace all that stuff--it's not always 'picture perfect' according to arbitrary magazine standards but it's what makes you uniquely lovely. Also, something I've learned from taking professional photos: not being self conscious helps you take a better picture. :)

-Social Media followers and likes: very rarely an indicator of your quality of content and never a true indicator of your worth as a person

-What trolls, haters, and outrage provokers say online: to you and to the people you love and admire. There's an easy way to pick out the haters: they're hateful. Ignore 'em. Don't let their shitty attitude f*ck up your day.

-People who sh*t on your dreams and goals (usually due to their own insecurities and unhelpful beliefs about how the world works). Anyone who uses the words "You can't..." isn't worth one iota of your attention.

-People who make fun of your style or unique choices: the world doesn't need everyone to be the same. It improves and moves forward when people dare to be different.

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