Yesterday I felt powerful. I felt a deep inner knowing. I felt perfectly fine with everything around me, and unafraid of any challenges that met my path.
Today, I feel... sensitive is the only word I can think of. I feel like my big, open powerful self of yesterday is newly full up with other people's problems and the prerogatives of a world in fear mode. I feel strained in basic conversations. I feel misunderstood and a little behind.
I could sit and analyze the finer details of my mood: 'it comes from my introverted need to retreat and rejuvenate'; 'it comes from giving away all my empathy and not carving out time and space for myself'; 'it's emblematic of some kind of resistance or fear I need to face'; 'maybe it's something I ate'. Blah blah.
All the work I'm constantly doing on self acceptance and non attachment still hums in the background of my less-than-ideal mood. I don't have to know the answers. I don't have to feel amazing all the time. I don't have to analyze any of it. Answers rarely come when you're pouting about not having them.
So, I'll just talk about nice things in my day until I feel better.
The mayor of LA announced budget cuts to the LAPD (what they will actually look like remains to be seen, but it's a sign of progress in being heard). Curfews and arrests have waned and protests remain peaceful.
LA County also announced free Coronavirus testing for all residents--at test centers with drive thru options, as the city begins to open up and cases still rise. What a breath of fresh help after all the testing debacles in March.
I made two TikToks. They're nothing special but at least I know how to use TikTok now (adds to resume).
Morning workout was epic. Triceps and chest and abs in the sunny grass. Cold shower.
My roommate, Kat, who I'm just getting to know, texted me from down the hall to say thanks for our good talks.
Shane has been very gentle and sweet in response to my 'sensitive Sally' mood. Extra hugs all day and kind words.
I wrote new words to a cover song I'm hoping to do with Simon. I hope he takes it and runs with it, but I don't mind trying it out on the uke if he's busy.
This Sunday is the All Black Lives Matter March of Solidarity, which is replacing the LGBTQ+ Pride Parade this year in West Hollywood. I have the honor of attending with some people I truly love and look up to.
My dear friend, Daniel Fes, sent me the finished edit of a short film we made together over a year ago. After all that time, it feels just as good to watch it as it did to be a part of it.
It's a simple, joyful story that was incredibly playful to put on film. I remember marveling at how easy it was to summon outward joy and hope for the camera. A good reminder for me today. :)
That last one really put me in a better mood. And as I type this, Shane is making spaghetti.
Thanks for listening, and for letting me just be me in these blogs.