JULY 4, 2020
The last pale yellow streak of sky sinks beneath the weight of the indigo night.
Fireworks crackle and glitter in every direction.
I am full of everything I've done and everything I want to do.
I am grateful and satisfied, but the full moon and lunar eclipse bring out a complexity, a charging of all the things I no longer need, before I release them into the night. There is fear and resentment and struggle in my vibration, but they don't define me; they sizzle like firecrackers, loud but harmless, in the backdrop of my conscious mind.
I've learned not to speak much, and not to get so invested in the ratio of "good feelings to bad", in moments like these, as I field all the thoughts and insecurities of now. Nothing too surprising here: just the standard, 1. "Am I doing enough?" and 2. "How is money going to work after this month?" I know the answers (1.Yes, and also never, but it's OK; 2. All the ways it has before and lots of new ways too), but my brain keeps hitting refresh and asking again with toddler-like anxiety. Is this how goldfish feel?
I have so much to do and work out but today it seems obvious that my only priority is gentle observation and ease of self. It's a new dawn of global mindfulness and social justice, but it is also a fresh lockdown in the US after the strongest surge yet of novel Coronavirus. It is a time to retreat and recoup.
I've been reading about Yin and Yang. The idea that the dark, or black side represents negativity and hardship and the light side represents happy fun times, is a common misinterpretation. The energy of "doing/acting" (Yang) and the energy of "resting/preparing" (Yin) interrelate and give rise to one another in an endless cosmic dance. The Yin energy of today will give way to Yang energy tomorrow. But that doesn't mean I have to completely retreat into myself and cut off the outside world. Yin energy can be exciting: all that stored potential waiting to burst forth into sounds and lights.
I'm finishing this blog on the roof of the garage. The fireworks are all around me, 360 degrees. The Buck Moon sits behind a tree for now, but it's already pretty blinding--the eclipse is only about 20 minutes away and should be pretty clear from here.
Whatever your energy is like today, may it revive, enlighten, or nurture you in all the ways you truly need. May you feel the crackling bliss of stored potential, explosive joy, or both. May you sit, present and forgiving and open to yourself and the earth in its miraculous place in the cosmos. Wishing you health, and prosperity, and relief from fear, always.